I love how family is knit together, and if you have been reading this blog at all, you will know that I love adoption. I had the honor and privilege of photographing Mollie and Cody’s wedding and when they brought their little man home, I was honored that they would ask me to document their first official family session (insert happy tears!)
Because not every adoption is alike, I love hearing the stories that come from the journey that brings the family together. I loved reading how God brought their family together and I hope it inspires you as you read more of their story!
How were you introduced to adoption?
“We are lucky to be surrounded by many families who have adopted. In fact, it has always seemed extremely normal for us. We had always talked about the possibility of adopting one day. We also love to travel. We’ve been to many places around the world in our last 11 years of marriage including India, Thailand, Colombia and Croatia. This love for travel is combined with a great love for the people of each of these cultures, and so we loved the idea of bringing another culture into our family.”
How did you know adoption was for you?
“As luck would have it, once we were ready to start a family, we discovered after some time that it was probably very unlikely we’d have biological children. We grieved this loss and also attempted two rounds of invasive, expensive, and emotionally draining IFV. The whole time, in the back of our minds we were thinking about adoption. In fact, we started talking to friends who had adopted and met with an agency to learn more while still going through infertility treatments. Once we finished with the second unsuccessful IVF cycle, it almost felt like a relief to be able to pursue adoption singlemindedly. We felt very excited about adoption and felt that throughout our life leading up to this point, God was preparing us for this journey.”
Tell me about your adoption journey.
“We knew international adoption was the right path for us, and because we had traveled to India previously and felt a connection through friends to the culture, we decided on Indian adoption. We worked with a local agency, Children’s Home Society, and began the arduous paperwork process. We were matched with our son Dev in March of 2017. If you believe in signs, we felt it was a sign from God when we received our referral. We had started to talk about boy names – we wanted one that was easy to pronounce but that still reflected his Indian heritage. Dev was on the short list. So when we received the referral for a little baby named Dev, we took it as a sign. After much more waiting and more paperwork, we received the approval to travel and flew to Nashik, India to meet Dev in August. It is a major transition to all of a sudden become parents of a one-year-old overnight, but Dev attached to us very quickly and made the transition easy on us. We spent about a week at the orphanage playing with him, meeting his caretakers and exploring his birth city. We felt incredibly lucky to have adopted a child from such a wonderful orphanage with so many kind and caring people watching over him. We ended our travel in India with a week in Delhi doing yet more administrative paperwork before bringing Dev home at the end of August.”
How has adoption changed you?
“Because the adoption process is so long and emotionally and mentally challenging, we feel so much more appreciative for the gift Dev is to our family than if we’d gotten pregnant right away. We do not take any new life for granted. We’ve also had our eyes open to the realities of starting a family and joined the 1 in 8 couples who struggle with infertility. We’ve learned to be open about our experience and share with others because there are so many people who have struggled in a similar way. Communicating and sharing these experiences is the best way to find comfort and the motivation to continue on the journey.”
What is the most rewarding aspect of adoption?
“The most rewarding aspect of adoption for us are similar to any parent – seeing your child learn, grow and laugh. Seeing Dev be so happy and smiley is the best thing for us.”
What do you wish people knew about adoption?
“Adoption is not a lesser path or a second choice to biological children. It happens that way often because it is more common, inexpensive and easier to conceive naturally. But, adoption is just a different path with the same end result. Our child is perfect and wonderful in the exact same way our biological children would have been, and we couldn’t possibly love him any more!”
What are some myths about adoption you wish you could dispel?
“It seems that there is the notion held by many that there are tons of babies out in the world that need to be adopted. After having gone through the process, we can tell you this certainly isn’t true. In fact, in 2016, there were only 5,370 international adoptions to the US. Many countries don’t allow international adoption and some countries lack the infrastructure to have an adoption process in place. Most people wait 1-2 years to adopt a relatively younger child (1-3 years old) internationally, and many of the children have some medical conditions. The greater need is for older children or children with significant special needs to be adopted, and most countries, including the US, have children waiting. So, after having gone through the work and wait for adoption and meeting so many families like us who aren’t able to conceive, it seems that for people who are able to have biological children and are interested in adoption, a great route is to look at foster to adopt in the US or older waiting children in other countries. We met some amazing kids in India who need a home! All that to say, we don’t feel like adoption (at least for us) is some great thing we are doing. We simply (like most people) want to have kids, love them and raise them to be kind and loving. We are so lucky that adoption exists and could make that a reality for us.”
What are some of the greatest resources that you have used in the adoption process?
“The best resources we’ve had are friends who have been adopted or have adopted in the past or recently. There is just no substitute for first hand knowledge! We also found these books to be great: “Toddler Adoption; The Weaver’s Craft” by Mary Hopkins-Best and “Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child” by Patty Gogen.”
What advice would you give for anyone currently in the adoption process?
“Don’t give up! Just remember that your child will come home to you someday – even though the wait may be long and difficult – it will happen. Surround yourself with friends who will support you, pray for patience, and enjoy your single-life freedom while you can! :)”
Tell me about your adoption journey.
Our second adoption started the moment our first adoption became final. The two social workers that had helped with our first adoption attended the finalization at the court house. As we waited for the notarized documents they asked, “Are you going to get on the list for your second?” We laughed and said, “This adoption literally just finished and you’re on the second?” Then we thought about that 10 month wait just to be approved and found ourselves registering with LSS just weeks after our first adoption was finalized. The paperwork was manageable the second time around and took only a couple of days to finish. In June of 2016 everything we were approved for our second adoption. We went on the waiting list to get into our agency’s “book” (which is shown to birth parents when they are choosing a family to place their child with). We were number 13 on the waitlist and knew that meant we had a 4-6 month wait before we got in. Then LSS had 7 matches in one month and with a blink of an eye we were in the book (much, much sooner than we expected).
What is the most rewarding aspect of adoption?
What do you wish people knew about adoption?
